Timing: You're doing it Wrong.

Yesterday, I wrote to a few friends/trusted people (students and profs) about my comps. About having BH contractions already (started at 28 weeks -- that's early for BH) and about my heart rate -- which has been fine since yesterday at the hospital.

I asked "what would you do?" kind of questions..detailing my test anxiety, etc.etc.

Before I could get responses from them, I talked to my advisor on the phone. He said the following things:
1) It's normal to have gitters about the exam
2) It's not the end of the world if you fail. What's the worst that will happen if you write it? You'll fail. It doesn't show on the transcript, etc.etc.etc.
3) If you aren't feeling ready, if you find you're physically not able to do it, if you postpone you will need a medical reason/note and go on medical leave.
4) The last three weeks before my comps I found that I really brought things together in my mind, maybe if you do XY and Z and read ABC, you'll do well too!

At the end of the phone call I felt good. I started a new novel last night, I'm 100 pages in this afternoon. I got some knitting done, and I was relaxed. I even watched Dancing with the Stars with mom for a half hour. I was settled. I was going to write it. Baby is healthy and fine. I'm just letting test anxiety get to me, if I let it subside I'll be ok. New outlook. New vision for the test and the way things would go.

Then.
This morning I got two emails.
I hope the writers of these emails don't mind me posting them here. I have taken liberty to delete and edit a bit so that there's no identifying info, obvs.


Maria -- I think you should postpone your comps. Forget it. Now is obviously not a good time. Writing them badly will serve you nothing and your health must come first. It seems to me a no-question thing. If you're already have BH and so on and elevated heart rates, do not travel, especially flying. NOT worth the risk. Take the medical leave, as you can get it -- a privilege in itself -- and then sort out the funding from there. There may be emergency funds or something you're eligible for, or maybe EI? Look into the money thing once you've cancelled the comps. My view in, when heavily pregnant, always do the simple thing. Complicated is bad just now. Honestly. More soon

aside: how'd she know I was heavily pregnant? ;)

And...

Maria--I'm sorry to be so unambiguous (it's not my style), but I think you were not in your right mind when you decided to write this exam, and I think there's still plenty of time to get out of it. Here's how (as far as I'm concerned, the best way): get a doctor's note. This should be easy enough to accomplish. You're having 'false' contractions, okay, but there are real reasons you should take them seriously. Listen, I'm speaking with your (and your baby waiting to issue forth into this-world-not-entirely-cold) interests in mind: let them know you cannot write it now! I understand why you might want to get this done now, and if your due date was two months later than it is (and if you had had more time to prepare for this--very stressful/challenging exam) then I'd say, of course, go ahead with it. But these things aren't true, and you should put health (yours but also your unborn baby's) WAY HIGHER THAN THIS.

Call me if you need to hear my tone of voice--to judge from that how concerned I truly am, how sincere.


Timing is a funny thing isn't it?