Some very random ramblings

I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Whether it's that Curly Sue was on TV the other night, or something, I dunno. I know the connection might not make sense, but it's making me nostalgic for various grad school experiences.

But I'm remember this one student that was in my class. He gave me a valentine. I dont know if I ever blogged this, but it was very strange. I had pegged him as just the teacher's pet type. But then I got a valentine.

I don't think I'd gotten a valentine from a guy since my grade 10 boyfriend gave me one and then dumped me a week later to date a girl everyone was shocked about. He then proceeded to make out with her all over the place. And it was frustrating for me and all of our mutual friends who found this gross. Really. Gross.

So, yeah. Valentines. From a student. I wonder what he was trying to do... get grades? a date? Was he just that goofy?

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I realize more and more, because I got all (or most) my drinking, rebelling, being an idiot, done while I was in junior high that I didn't experience much of the university life that all my grad school friends were just getting out of. I never experienced what my students were living. Staying out all night...getting sick in cabs on the way to the club... It didn't really help that I went to, what seemed to me to be, an undergrad party school for my first year of grad school.

While my friends were all moving away from their party selves, I was craving that life. And I couldn't go back there.. there was nothing there for me but mistakes. Oh I had made tons, TONS, of mistakes in undergrad. Just, they didn't involve getting drunk or high or partying.

Every time my students would come in to my 10am tutorial with lastnight's makeup or headache on, I was just ever so slightly envious. And also so glad I missed that.

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Not at all related to this, but it's on my mind.

This girl I know, who has a very young baby, just found out that her baby's daddy is in a new relationship. Just the other day she was telling me that she loved him and was just waiting for him to realize he still loved her. They have a child together, but he isn't working. He's partying (I guess it is sort of related). She was letting him live there while he partied, and spent no time with their baby. For months. While she was pregnant and sick from cigarette smoking neighbors, he would go out and party and leave her there to her own devices. A class act. A 5'3 wannabe model. No jokes.

So.. today, I see (oh, facebook) that he's in a new relationship. And I know that she's going to be heartbroken. I am so mad at this guy for being such a frickin dumbass, and wish she'd seen how things really were and hadn't let everything cloud her judgement. I wish that their baby would be more of a priority.

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I love having friends who are moms here. I love having my family here. But I know that to make my life work, I can't stay here. There are too many bad scenarios, and I know I can't get ahead here.

Dude, I just miss certain things about my old life that I know that if I were there again, I couldn't possibly be as happy as I am right now. My baby girl is 6 months old today. 6 months. :) 6 months of the happiest time of my life has gone by so fast... and I just want to keep it longer.

I want to know how. I find myself getting frustrated by life, by my busy scampering baby. I'm tired when she's not. When she's asleep and I'm awake, I feel like I need to soak up every minute and take advantage. Today that meant making a pumpkin chiffon pie. I mean, what?

I should have slept. It was delicious, but I dont know if it was worth it. :)

I get frustrated by my child.. and it's kind of the first time I've experienced this in the whole of these 6 months. I got frustrated when Peanut would kick me while I was pregnant and really, really needed to sleep. And you know.. the same exact thing happens now. And then it puts me into a bad mood.

Maybe I'll try her in her crib tonight.